HOLY COW! HISTORY: The president’s stuff is missing!

Somewhere in America right now, someone may be walking around with LBJ’s class ring on his finger, Abe Lincoln’s telegrams in his pocket, Harry Truman’s swords in one hand and FDR’s portrait in the other.

Those items, plus other presidential oddities, are missing. And there’s no clue where they might be.

It’s the National Archives and Records Administration’s job to preserve everything Uncle Sam wants to keep. There’s a mountain of it, too. At last count, the National Archives has 13.5 billion pages of documents; 10 million maps, charts and drawings; and 41 million photos and graphics. It also oversees historical materials in 16 presidential libraries.

So it’s understandable that a few things slip through the cracks. But when a missing item belonged to a president, it’s serious. Here are several presidential possessions the National Archives can’t find.

When you’re president of the United States, people give you things. Foreign leaders are especially generous.

Harry Truman had immense personal integrity. He believed official gifts belonged to the American people. He created the Truman Presidential Library and Museum so everyday folks could see those glitzy things.

Unfortunately, thieves decided to help themselves to a few of them.

Early one Friday morning in March 1978, they broke the library’s front door, smashed three display cases and were gone in 45 seconds. Also gone were three ceremonial swords and two daggers given to Truman by Saudi Arabia’s crown prince and the shah of Iran, handcrafted and featuring gold chains and ivory grips studded with diamonds, emeralds and rubies.

John F. Kennedy loved the sea. So it’s no surprise he accepted an invitation to deliver the U.S. Coast Guard Academy’s 1964 commencement address. After his assassination, Lyndon Johnson honored Kennedy’s commitment.

The graduates showed their appreciation by making him an honorary member of the Class of 1964, with his very own yellow sapphire in 14-karat gold setting class ring engraved with — what else? — LBJ.

It disappeared from the Johnson Presidential Library and Museum, which very much wants it back.

Ellen Emmet Rand painted the rich and famous, immortalizing more than 500 in oil portraits. She tried to paint Theodore Roosevelt, but eventually gave up because “he couldn’t sit still.”

Rand didn’t have that problem in 1934, when Teddy’s cousin, Franklin, sat for her. FDR liked the painting so much that it became his official White House portrait.

Sometime after his death, for reasons unknown, the portrait was moved to the Franklin D. Roosevelt Presidential Library and Museum in Hyde Park, New York. (A copy of the original currently hangs in the White House.)

In 2004, a Boston University professor researching at FDR’s library asked to see the painting. Sorry, library staff told him, it’s unavailable for viewing. No big deal, he thought.

Imagine his surprise when, six months later, he got a letter from the library saying the painting was missing. It said nobody could remember seeing the portrait since it was moved to temporary storage in 2001. (How could anyone “lose” a 5-foot-high and 4-foot-wide picture housed in a gilt wood frame and stored in a 250-pound art crate?) It’s listed in the FBI’s National Stolen Art Database.

If Abraham Lincoln were alive today, he’d be a tech geek. He loved the latest inventions and advancements.

One of his favorites was the telegram. He appreciated being able to communicate instantly with anyone, anywhere in the country. A telegraph office in the War Department sat next door to the White House. Lincoln sent messages so often that a special pad was created so he could write the text himself, then send it by courier to the telegrapher.

The government saved all those documents. Because they were written in Lincoln’s own hand, they’re very valuable today. Many reveal the ho-hum daily drudgery of a wartime president. Consider this one from April 29, 1864:

“General Brayman

“I am appealed to on behalf of O. Kellogg and J.W. Pryor, both in prison in Cairo, Ills. Please telegraph me what are the charges and summary of the evidence against them.

“A. Lincoln”

Not nearly as dramatic as, say, “How’s the Battle of Gettysburg going? We’re dying to find out here!” Yet still worth saving.  

In 2008, the National Archives digitally scanned those messages. To its horror, five were missing. 

But there’s one small silver lining behind this dark cloud. In 2010, a researcher compared each scan to its original. Each telegram was numbered, and No. 80 was among the missing.

A closer look revealed the answer. Some time after it was scanned, the brittle paper’s corner broke off, taking half of the zero with it. The result: No. 80 wasn’t missing after all, though no word on the others.

As far as historic relics go, these aren’t hugely significant. A ceremonial sword and class ring can’t compare to the handwritten Declaration of Independence or the original Star-Spangled Banner.

Yet each is a personal connection to a president. When those items are lost or stolen, you, me and every American is poorer for it.      

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